Maranda has always loved braiding her daughter Nelly’s hair. It was a time for the two of them to bond. It created a safe place where Nelly could be silly or speak to her mother freely about whatever was bothering her, as Maranda braided her hair in a protective style for the week. However, since the removal, their weekly visits have felt forced and awkward at the visitation center. Wanting to connect with her daughter again, Maranda approached her social worker about the possibility of braiding Nelly’s hair during visits. The social worker agreed, stating that was a great idea. But there was one issue…Maranda couldn’t afford the necessary hair products for Nelly’s hair texture at time.

The social worker mentioned this in passing to Nelly’s foster mother, Ms. Florence. Remembering how important those intimate moments were with her own children when they were young, Ms. Florence’s heart went out to Maranda. Prior to Nelly’s upcoming visit, Ms. Florence reached out to the social worker and requested the worker ask Maranda if she felt comfortable with Ms. Florence providing some of the hair products. Maranda was initially upset by this offer. She did not want DCF or the foster parent to think she could not care for Nelly, especially after working so hard for months towards the goal of reunification. She also felt unclear of what Ms. Florence’s role was in Nelly’s life. Was Ms. Florence replacing her as a mother? Did Nelly tell Ms. Florence all of her secrets now? Would Maranda ever be able to repair their relationship? As a result, Maranda politely declined Ms. Florence’s offer, opting instead to purchase the hair products little by little with each paycheck.

After a few weeks Maranda asked her social worker what Ms. Florence’s role in Nelly’s life was. The social worker explained that foster parents act as temporary supports, who are meant to ease family burdens rather than replace parents during difficult times. The worker encouraged Maranda to build a relationship with Ms. Florence if she felt comfortable, in hopes that this would put some of Maranda’s concerns to rest. As a result, the women began writing in a communication book. Ms. Florence would update Maranda on any extracurricular activities or school projects Nelly had that week. Maranda would share with Ms. Florence some of Nelly’s favorite foods and her tricks to calm Nelly when upset. Eventually Maranda felt comfortable with Ms. Florence providing the rubber bands and fun clips for Nelly’s hairstyles. And when an official date was scheduled for reunification, Maranda knew Ms. Florence was cheering for her and Nelly’s success.

Being a foster parent isn’t the act of replacing a child’s biological family. Rather, a foster parent’s role is to provide a child and their family with the appropriate supports during a significant time of need. Raising a child takes a village and sometimes foster parents make up that village. If you feel prepared to support not only a child, but a family in their time of need reach out to us. We would love to answer your questions and help you through the application process.