The majority of children in the foster care system have at least one sibling.  Whether full or half, step-siblings, or raised as siblings, those bonds are incredibly important.

Yet, despite the importance of siblinghood and the existence of the Sibling Bill of Rights, all too often siblings are separated while in foster care.

Why does this happen and what can we do about it?

Why It Happens

Placement Availability- Children typically enter foster care due to a crisis of some kind within their family.  It is a tipping point and often chaotic.  State child welfare workers are using the best information they have to make decisions and relying on the resources they have available.  They seek homes that can take siblings, but there often are not many.  This unfortunately means siblings might be separated.

Ages and Options- Sometimes a foster care placement is entirely unavailable, so a children’s shelter program or group home is the available option.  Based on availability ages, and genders of the children, separate programs might be the only solution.

Large Sibling Groups- Some children enter care with many siblings- the record we’ve seen in our program was 10!  Foster homes are not licensed to take that volume of children.  It is too much to expect one parent to care for safely and responsibly.  Few people have homes large enough, enough beds, or even vehicles that could transport that volume of children.  In cases of large siblings groups, children will often be paired up so they have at least one brother or sister with them, but will almost certainly be separated from some siblings.

Different Relationships- In some cases, children may share only one biological parent.  One sibling may have a relative not shared by their other sibling (like a grandparent) who is willing to take the child they are related to, but not the other.  In these cases, children may be separated.

Levels of Need- In other cases, siblings may have very challenging needs, including medical, mental health, trauma-related behaviors, or developmental needs.  These needs may make different levels of care necessary to provide the correct supervision and supports.  For example, one child may need residential-level care with an on-site school, low staff-to-child ratios, and increased supervision in order to be safe and successful. This might not be necessary for their sister, who is able to live in the less structured environment of an unrestricted level foster home.

Timing- Children may not all enter foster care at the same time.  Children may be born to biological parent after older children entered foster care.  This may mean that the infant child remains with the biological parents if it is safe to do so, or they may enter a different foster home if the siblings’ fostering family is not able to take on the care of an infant.

Sibling Safety- In some cases, safety is an issue between siblings.  Sometimes children have had traumatic experiences and have unsafe behaviors that they have exhibited.  While these behaviors are sometimes learned behaviors that served to keep them safe in an unsafe environment or behaviors that were simply learned and accepted in their home of origin, siblings need to be separated while they take some time to decompress, learn appropriate social and coping skills, and begin to heal.  The goal in this case would be for children to do sibling work, which could involve therapy, mentoring, and learning healthy boundaries and behaviors, and then be placed in the same home.

Sibling Synopsis

While there are many reasons for separation are varied, the weight of separation is well known.  It is supported by evidence-based research- separation from siblings is a trauma.  It has long-lasting scars and can impact future relationships beyond the sibling bond- things like partner selection, staying with a job, making friends, and even bonding with one’s own children can be impacted by trauma.  So with this knowledge in mind, how to we lessen the impact of sibling separation when it cannot be avoided, and how do we create better pathways for children to remain together in foster care?

Check out our next blog to learn more about solutions to separation.

If you feel you could provide a home of healing for a child in foster care (or a sibling group!), please contact us today.